Why can't I make decisions, even simple ones?
Direct answerDifficulty deciding usually comes from fear of making the wrong choice, too many options and the fatigue of making lots of decisions throughout the day. It helps to set a short deadline to decide, limit your options to two or three and accept that most choices can be adjusted later.
How it shows up
You over-research, ask everyone for their opinion and put off choices, from what to order to career changes. After deciding, you keep going over whether it was the best option.
Most likely root causes
- Fear of getting it wrongWhen every choice feels final, the risk of getting it wrong is paralyzing.
- Too many optionsMore alternatives mean more comparison and a feeling that there's always something better.
- Decision fatigueDeciding lots of small things throughout the day wears down your capacity for the important decisions.
- Unclear criteriaWithout knowing what your priorities are, every option seems equally good or bad.
Quick self-check
- Do you put off decisions until someone else or the deadline decides for you?
- Do you tend to research far more than you need to?
- Do you keep revisiting a decision after you've made it?
If you answered yes to two or more, start with that cause.
First step today
Pick a pending decision, list no more than three options, write down two criteria that matter and decide within 15 minutes.
30-day plan
- Week 1: Automate small daily decisions, like clothes and meals, to save energy.
- Weeks 2 and 3: For medium decisions, use a deadline, three options and written criteria; record how each one turns out.
- Week 4: Review your decisions for the month, notice how many could be adjusted and apply the method to a bigger decision.
When to seek professional help
See a psychologist if indecision causes intense distress, lasts more than two weeks along with anxiety or sadness, keeps you from moving forward in important areas, or if you depend entirely on others to decide. If you are in intense distress, contact a local crisis line or emergency services.
Frequently asked questions
- Is being indecisive a personality trait?
- There may be a tendency, but indecision is also learned and can be trained with simple methods.
- How do I know if I made the right decision?
- There's rarely certainty. A good decision is one that weighs your criteria with the information available at the time.